Resources
“The more prepared the parents were about the issues they might face after adoption, the better able they were to process the post-adoption experience.” – Foli, K. and Thompson, JR. (2004), The Post Adoption Blues, Rodale, USA.
We encourage you throughout the process and post adoption to explore as many resources as you can about the challenges and impacts of adoption. This section of our website is curated to provide a diverse range of books, podcasts, shows and resources that we hope will inspire, encourage and challenge you. Many of our adoptive parents and social workers have found the following resources useful and we are always looking for new recommendations. We update this page regularly and if you notice that we’ve missed a great book you’ve read or intriguing podcast you’ve listened to about adoption then please let us know: contact@adopt4vvc.org
CoramBAAF also have a comprehensive list of books and resources for adopters and children. Find out more by visiting their website.
Adoption UK provide a mixed media library containing more than three hundred books covering a range of adoption and fostering issues. All books are lent free of charge (excluding postal charges). The library can lend up to three books/items at one time. To access the library, you will need to sign up for membership and pay the associated fee. Once you are logged in to the website you will be able to browse the items in the library and make a reservation. An orange button titled ‘borrow this item’ will appear next to the item once you have clicked into it. This will then take you to the reservation form: Adoption UK Lending Library
Guides and Books for Adults
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No Matter What – Sally Donovan
No Matter What’ is a first-hand account of the adoption process written by an adoptive mother, Sally Donovan. Sally tells the story of her and her husband Rob and their journey from a diagnosis of infertility to their decision to adopt, to post adoption. She talks honestly about the couple’s difficulties living with infertility, making the decision to adopt and the process of adoption. An easy going, heartfelt read that gives an insight into the process of adoption and attachment issues.
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The Body Keeps the Score – Bessel Van Der Kolk
Bessel Van Der Kolk, one of the world’s foremost experts on traumatic stress, draws on his 30 years’ experience in his book, The Body Keeps the Score. The book is accessible and a fascinating insight into how trauma literally reshapes both body and brain.
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Related by Adoption – Heidi Argent
Related by adoption is a handbook for family members who become related to a child(ren) through adoption e.g. grandparents, aunts, uncles etc. Adoption effects the whole family and different members might have different questions specific to the role that they will play in the child(ren)’s life. This handbook is a good guide for relatives and can be used to inform and create discussion around modern adoption within your family.
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Flying Solo - Julia Wise
Flying Solo is a first-hand account of adoption from an adoptive mother’s perspective. Throughout the book Julia shares her experiences of the change from being a career focused, single women to becoming an adoptive, solo parent.
She talks about the reality of the highs and lows of adopting, dealing with society’s attitudes towards solo parenting, adopting her son and how adopting changed every aspect of her life. The book is an open, honest and thought provoking read for anyone considering adopting.
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The A-Z of Therapeutic Parenting – Sarah Naish
The A-Z of Therapeutic Parenting is an accessible and practical yet comprehensive guide to behaviour and the fundamentals of therapeutic parenting. Sarah, herself an adoptive parent explores solution focused approaches to a variety of challenges that people caring for children who have had adverse life experiences (ACE's) may face and the underlying reasons that children may be responding in the ways that they are. The guide is relevant to adopters, foster carers, kinship carers and professionals alike.
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What to Expect When You’re Adopting – Dr Ian Palmer
What to Expect When You're Adopting is a non-fiction guide that explains the realities of adopting and what to expect at each stage. The book covers a range of topics and is good for reference at different points in the adoption process.
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All You Can Ever Know - Nicole Chung
In her nuanced memoir, Nicole Chung shares her life-story as an Asian American transracial adoptee. The book highlights the importance of cultural and ethnic identity, adoptive identity and reconnecting with birth family. Nicole’s book highlights the life-long tension adopted people face between being part of their adoptive family alongside the loss of their birth family. Nicole’s book is a thought-provoking read for adoptive parents as it challenges the desires and perspective adoptive parents and highlights how their ideas may conflict with an adopted person’s perspective.
The book is important for all adoptive parents to understand the responsibility they have in encouraging and supporting their child to engage with their life-story, encouraging contact with birth family and embracing and promoting a child’s cultural heritage.
Nicole also uses the book to share her experiences of becoming a parent herself and the complexities that she experienced in this as an adopted person.
It should be noted that modern UK adoption differs from modern USA adoption especially in the nature that substantially fewer children are relinquished for adoption by birth parents, less children are adopted internationally and that local authorities in the UK have a responsibility to seek ethnic and cultural match for each child before considering interracial adoption.
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Emotional Outbursts: A guide for parents - Cerebra and School of Psychology at University of Birmingham
In 2021 the School of Psychology at University of Birmingham and Cerebra (a UK charity supporting children with brain conditions) created a parent guide about ‘emotional outbursts or meltdowns’: Emotional Outbursts: A Parents Guide
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The Wild Track - Margaret Reynolds
The Wild Track is a deeply insightful memoir of becoming a mother written by Margaret Reynolds, writer, academic, critic, professor of English and broadcaster. Single, in her mid-forties and having experienced a sudden early menopause Margaret decided to explore adopting a child.
The book not only follows her journey of adoption, but Margaret also draws on her academic knowledge and love of literature to share an exploration of what motherhood / parenthood is. To achieve this, she references many other books and inspirations which added depth to her decision to become a parent.
In the book Margaret shares candidly about a disclosure regarding her sexuality that she reserved during assessment. This non-disclosure ultimately led her first agency to make the decision to end her application. She then shares her subsequent struggle to find a new agency. Margaret also shares her journey from initially only considering international adoption of a baby to eventually adopting a six-year-old child though domestic adoption.
The final chapters are written by Margaret’s daughter. In these chapters she shares her memories of her childhood including the day she went to live with Margaret and the court proceedings that followed.
The book highlights key themes such as the importance of; understanding one’s motivations to become a parent, gaining varied childcare experience before adopting, family and community support and the detailed planning for introductions and transitions.
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The Primal Wound - Nancy Verrier
In her book, Nancy Verrier, a psychotherapist, and adoptive mother, unpacks her theory of ‘the primal wound’; the trauma that results when a child is separated from their birth parent(s). All children placed for adoption have experienced loss and separation from their birth family and this will impact all children.
Throughout the book Verrier examines the life-long consequences separation can cause for adopted people. She explores how this loss impacts their development and identity, underpinning this with information about pre-and perinatal psychology, attachment, bonding, and the effects of loss.
The book can be a difficult and painful read for everyone adoption triad and professionals because of the emotions it evokes. It’s however, an insightful book which acknowledges, understands, and validates the trauma of separation.
The book offers adopted people validation for their feelings, understanding of feelings and insecurities caused by adoption, explanations for their behaviour and emotions, and a context in which to situate and make sense of their experiences. The book also clearly speaks to the experiences of birth parents who have been separated from their child. Ultimately this also makes it an invaluable insight and guide for adoptive parents.
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The Post-Adoption Blues - Karen J. Foli and John R. Thompson M.D.
In their book, Karen J. Foli, a registered nurse, and her husband, John R. Thompson, a psychiatrist, explore Post Adoption Depression Syndrome (PADS). Throughout the book Foli and Thompson draw on their own experience as adoptive parents and the experiences of adoptive families and professionals that they interviewed.
Many parents through adoption start the process with a mixture of emotions and this continually evolves as they transform into parents through adoption.
In Foli and Thompson’s research it’s identified that oftentimes parents through adoption may feel that they need to mask the complexities of their emotions and experiences of adoption from friends, family and professionals and this can lead to issues with their mental health and relationships.
Through the book Foli and Thompson offer parents the understanding, support, and concrete solutions they need to overcome post-adoption blues.
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We are Family - Susan Golombok
In her book, Professor Susan Golombok unpacks her decades of research into family structures and relationships. Golombok’s research primarily focuses on the lives of LGBTQI+ families since the 1970’s to present day. Throughout the book she shares a tapestry of the personal stories of families who have informed her research. The book explores the complexities of societies perceptions of family, the expansion of routes to create a family including fertility treatment, surrogacy, adoption and fostering and how families navigate life-story. Golombok also directly confronts harmful narratives that have perpetuated throughout society with the compelling realism of she and her colleague’s research.
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Reuben’s Story – Joanna Clifton
Reuben’s story is written from the perspective of Reuben, a nine-year-old boy who is sharing his memories of living with his birth family, foster family, and adoptive parent. He talks about the various transitions he has experienced and living with a variety of different people until his final placement with his solo adoptive parent.
The book gives readers greater insight into some of the experiences and thought processes of care experienced children and young people.
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Podcasts for Adults
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Tom Cox on Being a Gay, Adoptive Dad – Not Another Mummy Podcast, Live episode with F&F at Tesco, Series 4, September 2019
Partnering with
F&F at Tesco, Alison Perry of ‘
Not Another Mummy Podcast’ interviews
Tom Cox, Adoptive Dad to Kai and Adoption Advocate who documents his family life on Instagram. Alison and Tom discuss the process, the matching process, panels, meeting birth parents, the role of foster carers, letterbox contact, introductions and placement and settling in:
Tom Cox on Being a Gay, Adoptive Dad
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The Dad Cave Podcast
Care for the Family’s Christian faith-based podcast, ‘The Dad Cave’ sees dads, Mark and Stephen invite a variety of dad’s the speak about their experiences of being parents.
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Spotlight on FASD Podcast
In this podcast Clare Devanney-Glynn and Jessica Rutherford discuss all aspects of Foetal Alcohol Spectrum Disorders: Spotlight on FASD
The podcast is also available in video podcast format: Spotlight on FASD
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Rose and Rosie: Parental Guidance Podcast
Comedy duo and married couple, Rose and Rosie’s use their podcast to share their experience of starting a family. They invite guests to share their own experience as parents, children of parents, influencers, and professionals.
Specific episodes regarding adoption: The Adoption Option! Feat. Isma Almas
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Dawn French – Happy Place Podcast, March 2018
In this episode Dawn French shares her experience of desiring to be a parent, miscarriage, fertility treatment, adopting her daughter, Billy and co-parenting with her ex-husband, Lenny Henry: Dawn French
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Big Fat Negative: TTC, Fertility, Infertility, and IVF Podcast
In their Podcast Journalists and friends, Emma Forsyth Haslett and Gabriella Griffiths share their stories of journeying to motherhood. Throughout the seasons they invite guests who are either experts in fertility or people who have navigated a variety of routes to parenthood: Lisa Falkner: The Adoption Option and Colds During IVFhttps://open.spotify.com/episode/1Sx87OKwWTTW48ExNMUcnQ
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Two Good Mums Podcast
Two Good Mum’s is a collaboration between First Mother and Author, Laura and Adoptive Mother, Peggy. Through their digital platforms including blog, social platforms, and podcast, they share their experiences of open contact and about the growth of their friendship alongside their shared experience of being mums to their children.
Laura has also shared her own, personal experiences as a first parent whose children were adopted through her book, Baby of Mine: A Birthmothers Journey Through Forced Adoption
The Two Good Mums podcast is available across major podcast platforms: Two Good Mums Podcast
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Black Queer Parents Discuss
Didi and Priscilla Akutu-Carter and Leon Weham teamed up on Instagram during LGBT+ Adoption and Fostering Week 2022 to provide two episodes of ‘Black Queer Parent Discuss’. These Instagram live episodes combine a wealth of information and a perspective on adoption from three people who identify as British, Black, LGBT+ parents through adoption.
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Homospians Podcast
During LGBT+ Adoption & Fostering Week 2022, Homo Sapiens podcast producer, Chris spoke to Instagram dad, Tom Cox @unlikelydad. During the podcast Tom shares the story of him and his husband adopting their son Kai.
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Films, Series and Documentaries for Adults
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Coram
CoramBAAF are a charity who work with adoptive parents and adopted children as well as professionals. Their YouTube channel highlights some of the work that they do including working with adopted children and young adults and people who are looking to adopt:
Coram YouTube
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Adoption UK
Adoption UK are a charity who work with adoptive parents and adopted children. Their Youtube channel includes some interesting interviews from BBC’s The One Show:
Adoption UK Youtube
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ReMoved
ReMoved is a short film following the emotional journey of a nine-year old girl, Zoe who has to leave her birth home and is placed in foster care system (USA). In the sequel ‘Remember My Story’ Zoe deals with the court system, foster home life, her birth mom's attempts at getting her life together, the loss of her brother and her future.
Although American fostering and adoption is often very different to the UK system these films highlight some of the emotional upheaval faced by children who have entered the care system. The films explore how these experiences can impact children’s behaviour and understanding of the world around them and why therapeutic parenting and support are so important: ReMoved Series
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Instant Family
Instant Family is American comedy film starring Mark Wahlberg and Rose Byrne as married couple, Pete and Ellie Wagner who foster and subsequently adopt three children. Director, Sean Anders, is an Adoptive Father himself and wrote the storyline based on some of his own families experiences.
The film highlights the need for foster and adoptive parents internationally. Although the UK adoption process differs from American adoption the film is fantastic for those looking to build an understanding of the positives of fostering and adopting alongside the realities of the struggles of adapting to family life together.
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Lion
Lion is a 2016 biographical film based on the non-fiction book ‘A Long Way Home’ written by Saroo Brierley. The film follows the story of Saroo, a five-year-old boy who gets separated from his brother on the streets of Calcutta. Saroo ends up, hundreds of miles from home in a children’s home and subsequently gets adopted by a couple who live in Australia. The film follows Saroo’s journey to Australia; settling into a new family and culture. Saroo’s adoptive parents go on adopt another child whose behaviour is massively impacted by trauma and the film explores how this further impacts the family dynamics. In his 20’s Saroo sets out to find his mum and brother and eventually find his hometown. The film highlights loss, grief, trauma, behaviour, family, love, reconciliation and the fundamental need of a person to understand their life story.
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Trying – Apple TV
Trying is an Apple TV original, comedy series created by Andy Wolton (a director and an adopted person). The series follows the story of Jason and Nikki, a mid-30s couple who have been trying to have a baby through fertility treatment. The series follows their journey from ‘trying’ to exploring adoption.
Some elements of the series are created for viewer entertainment so, there are some inaccuracies, regarding the process however, the programme offers an often light-hearted yet, emotionally aware perspective on fertility, family and adoption: Trying
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Addicted: Last Chance Mums – Available on YouTube (originally produced by BBC Panorama)
This documentary gives an eye-opening, assumption challenging insight into experiences of Birth Mothers living with their babies in a residential setting for mothers recovering from substance addiction. Residential Parent and Baby Placements are supportive environments usually provided at a staff-led facility or a parent and baby foster placement.
Sadly, many children in the UK placed for adoption have been exposed to substances in utero and / or in their home environment and many of them may have lived, for a period, in a placement like the one shown in this documentary: Addicted: Last Chance Mums
The documentary contains visuals of Methadone use and reference to sexual abuse that some viewers may find distressing and / or triggering.
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Split Up In Care: Life Without Siblings - BBC iPlayer
Ashley John-Baptiste, BBC Reporter and Presenter grew up in foster care. Ashley believed he was an only child until one day, in his mid-20’s, a man reached out to him via social media and shared that he was his brother.
In this documentary Ashley shares his own story and elevates and interweaves the voices of care-experienced children, young people, and adults alongside social workers and foster parents.
The documentary shares an emotive insight into the bonds of sibling relationships and how and why these relationships should be nurtured: Split Up in Care: Life Without Siblings
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Sheffield Children Safeguarding Children Partnership FASD Conference 2021
On International FASD Awareness Day 2021 Sheffield Children Safeguarding Children Partnership hosted a FASD conference.
The conference took attendees on the FASD journey, prevention, diagnosis, and support for people diagnosed with FASD and their families, with a range of speakers including people who are diagnosed with FASD, parents and carers of people diagnosed with FASD, people from organisations supporting families impacted by FASD, the All-Party Parliamentary Group on FASD, Dr Raja Mukherjee and Dr Cassie Jackson.
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This is Us – Amazon Prime
This is Us follows the lives of siblings Kevin, Kate, and Randal and their parents. Their parents Jack and Rebecca are initially pregnant with triplets and when one of the triplets is stillborn, they decide to adopt, Randle, a little boy who came into the hospital that day as an abandoned baby.
The story follows themes of identity, transracial adoption, reconnecting birth family, the experience of the adoption triad (child, birth family and adoptive family) and being siblings through adoption: This is Us
The series contains reference to racial discrimination, addiction, baby loss, family loss and illness that some viewers may find distressing and / or triggering
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Katie Price: What Harvey Did Next - BBC iPlayer
The documentary follows Harvey Price as he embarks on a rite of passage that thousands of young people do every year, going to college. The documentary highlights the experience of both Harvey, his mum, Katie Price and his extended family as he moves three hours away from home to National Star College, a specialist college for people living with additional needs / disabilities: Katie Price: What Harvey Did Next
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As We See It – Amazon Prime
This heart-filled series follows the lives of three, adult roommates living with Autism as they face the challenges of living independently and exploring and maintaining relationships. Depth is added to the story as the main roles are all played by actors who are on the spectrum themselves and the series challenges perceptions, stereotypes and gives poignant insight into the experiences of adults living with Autism and those supporting them: As We See It
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Joe Swash: Teens in Care - BBC iPlayer
In this documentary, actor, presenter, author and father, Joe Swash highlights the lived experiences of teenagers in care and care experienced adults who are living in England. Joe has a personal connection with the care system as his mother, Kiffy has been a single foster carer for fifteen years. Kiffy initially fostered two children; one who went on to be adopted and one, Daniel, who has lived with her since he was seven years old and who has recently started university: Joe Swash: Teens in Care
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Atypical – Netflix
This drama follows the life of Sam, an 18-year-old who is on the autism spectrum as he decides it is time to seek more independence. The show highlights not only Sam’s journey but also the journey of his family as they adapt to Sam’s desire the become more independent. Although the story isn’t based on adoption, throughout their childhood, children can be diagnosed with additional needs including Autism. Therefore, it’s important for adopters to prepare themselves by learning more about additional needs.
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Our Lives: Searching for My Other Mam, Series Six, – BBC iPlayer
Despite being a proud North Walian, Gerallt shares that he has always felt different to his peers because he’s dual heritage, born in England and adopted by his white, Welsh, Welsh speaking, mam. Now (2022), nearly fifty years since his adoption, Gerallt starts the search to find his birth parents and the black heritage he’s never known with North Wales Adoption Service. This documentary highlights the importance of belonging, finding identity, and the importance of cultural heritage: Our Lives, Series Six, Searching for My Other Mam
The documentary contains information about the death of a birth parent which viewers may find distressing and / or triggering.
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Michael Sheen: Lifting the Lid on the Care System – BBC iPlayer
In this documentary Michael Sheen highlights the challenges faced by Welsh, young people in foster care. Many children in the UK care system have a care plan of long-term foster care instead of returning to their birth families or being referred for adoption. Sometimes adopted children may have siblings whose care plan is long-term foster care.
Care experienced teenagers and young adults often don’t receive the same stability, financial, educational, social, emotional support etc that all people need to become prosperous adults. This is also known to create a generational cycle where care-experienced adults may have their own birth children removed because of socioeconomics. This is particularly important for adoptive parents to comprehend as their child may have experienced this cycle which has ultimately led to adoption. This programme highlights the importance for all children of having stability regardless of their placement type and the importance of ongoing contact with siblings and birth family: Michael Sheen: Lifting the Lid on the Care System
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Sam Thompson: Is this ADHD? – Channel 4
Made in Chelsea and British Tik Tok star, Sam Thompson has noticed that he experiences inattention, disorganisation, and hyperactivity. In this documentary Sam goes on an exploration to find out if he has diagnosed ADHD. Many children and young people in the UK wait extended periods of time to be diagnosed and for many adults who were born prior to more detailed understanding of ADHD they may only recently be receiving or exploring a formal diagnosis.
This documentary provides an insight into the lived experiences of people with ADHD and works to breakdown stigma: Sam Thompson: Is this ADHD?
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Out of the Shadows: Born from Rape – BBC iPlayer
In this documentary Sammy Woodhouse, one of the Rotherham grooming victims goes on a journey to meet other mothers and children born from rape. All over the country, she discovers remarkable people with heart-breaking stories of love and pain that have stayed hidden for decades.
The topics of rape and incest can often trigger a strong emotional response or disassociation within the public however, for parents who have been raped and their children this is their lived reality, and because of the taboo they end up living with stigmatisation, shame, and a fear of speaking out.
Whilst many children impacted by these circumstances remain in the care of their birth parent or extended family, for some the circumstances may be a contributing factor to them becoming care experienced: Out of the Shadows: Born from Rape
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Kids – Channel 4
This documentary explores the lives of young people in the care of Coventry Children's Services, their families and the social workers involved in their lives.
Care experienced people and their families have usually experienced a combination of factors that have led to ultimately being involved with social services and/or the police. This documentary highlights the complexities of their life experiences, builds empathy for all involved and highlights the importance of life-story, identity, safe and stable relationships and belonging: Kids
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Ellie Simmonds: Finding my Secret Family - ITVX
A poignant and heart-breaking documentary where British former Paralympian Swimmer and adopted person, Ellie Simmonds candidly explores her birth records, her diagnosis of Achondroplasia and her adoption with the support of her family, Penny, Glesni, and Essex Social Services (AdoptEast).
During the documentary Ellie reconnects with her foster and birth families and also meets a family parenting a child with medical needs and Jono Lancaster who was placed for adoption after being left in hospital post birth; likely related to his medical diagnosis. The documentary speaks frankly about the challenges adoption services faced and continue to face finding parents for children living with disabilities and/or additional needs: Ellie Simmonds: Finding My Secret Family
This documentary may be triggering for those exploring their birth records and/or living with a disability and/or additional needs and their families.
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The Stories we Bring with Us: Messages for Adoptive Parents from Adopted People – PAC-UK
In this short film, adopted people share their thoughts, feelings, and experiences of being an adopted person. The film is a must watch for parents through adoption, those considering adoption, those who are connected to an adopted person and professionals.
PAC-UK were commissioned to make this short-film by the National Adoption Strategy Team via the Regional Adoption Agencies Leaders Programme, which is funded by the Department for Education: The stories we bring with us: Messages for adoptive parents from adopted people
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Lost Boys and Fairies - BBC iPlayer
This three-part drama series, written by Daf James, a Welsh, gay adoptive parent, follows the lives of Gabriel and Andy, a Welsh, male couple who become parents through adoption. The series is based in Cardiff (our hometown) and it’s an intimate, enriching and accurate portrayal of adoption in Wales: Lost Boys and Fairies
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Contact - Research in Practice
In this series of films, adopted people, birth parents and adoptive parents speak about post adoption contact and the importance of openness and transparency: Contact
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Adoption is not a Line in the Sand: Adopted Children and Identity - Adoption Focus
In this film adopted people speak about the importance of life journey work and accessing information about their birth family: Adoption is not a Line in the Sand: Adopted Children and Identity
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Daughters – Netflix
This documentary casts an unflinching spotlight on how families are impacted by incarceration. The documentary highlights the importance of children connecting with their fathers, heritage, and identity. The documentary highlights the need for fathers to be encouraged and equipped to engage with their children and the life-long importance of fathers: Daughters
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Blogs and Vlogs for Adults
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Aimee Vlog - Aimee
Aimee is an adoptive mother who vlogs about her experiences of fostering and adopting two children in the UK system. She talks about the process of adoption, contact with birth parents and the celebration day amongst general mum life.
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Mumaduke Designs
Mumaduke Designs was created by an adoptive mum around a year after she adopted her son. At the time she was trying to find a suitable card for letterbox contact and she eventually decided to go home and make her own. Since then she has created a shop specialising in items that celebrate adoption and a blog and social media presence where she talks about her experiences of being a parent through adoption.
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Rosemary Lucas
Author and adoptive mum, Rosemary Lucas uses her blog and social media presence to talk about her experiences of being a parent through adoption.
Rosemary’s debut, rhyming children’s book, The Family Fairies explains the adoption process in a fun and accessible way with colourful illustrations and really makes the story of adopting come to life. The book is based on Rosemary’s own adoption journey and tells the story of a mummy and a daddy who want to have a family and ask for the help of two ‘Family Fairies’ aka two social workers. Rosemary hopes this book will be the start of a series of books which will help children and adults alike understand adoption in a clearer and more vivid way and spark wider interest in adopting as a pathway to starting or extending a family.
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Jeena Wilder
Haitian-American mom, Jenna Wilder documents her and her husband, Drue’s experiences as parents to both adopted and birth children. She highlights their family’s experiences of interracial marriage, transracial adoption, home-schooling, parenting, the role her faith in her life and motherhood.
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Two Good Mums
Two Good Mum’s is a collaboration between first mother and author, Laura and adoptive mother, Peggy. Through their digital platforms including blog, social platforms, and podcast, they share their experiences of open contact and about the growth of their friendship alongside their shared experience of being mums to their children.
Laura has also shared her own, personal experiences as a first parent whose children were adopted through her book, Baby of Mine: A Birthmothers Journey Through Forced Adoption
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Damian Kerlin
Writer, journalist Damien and his partner, Andrew share their experiences and raise awareness of adoption as gay, adoptive dads living in Wales.
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BabyCentre.co.uk
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Educating Ella
Adoptive parent, Claire uses her Instagram page to raise awareness of home education, Autism, ADHD, Adoption and Trauma. Claire and her wife now have two children through adoption: @educatingella
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2starfishsolo
Welsh, solo adoptive parent of two, Sarah uses her Instagram page to raise awareness of solo adoptive parenting siblings: @2starfishsolo
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Teulu bach ni
Adoptive parents, Gwawr and Catrin use their Instagram page to raise awareness of adopting twins as a Welsh speaking, female couple. The content is Welsh first, bilingual: @teulu_bach_ni
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Birth mum by the sea
Birth mother, Nina uses her Instagram page to raise awareness of the complexities of being a birth parent whose first children were removed and placed for adoption but whose subsequent birth child has continued to live with her. Nina speaks candidly about navigating emotions relating to her circumstances and ongoing contact with the children not living with her: @birthmumbythesea
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Adoption Chatter
An Instagram page hosted by adoptees to raise awareness of adoptees experiences of being adopted: Adoption Chatter
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Useful Websites for Adults
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Adoption UK
Adoption UK is a charity that provides support, community and advocacy for all those parenting or supporting children who cannot live with their birth parents. They also run a hotline which can be accessed by prospective adopters which is available Monday – Friday, 10am - 2.30pm and have information that they can send out via email request.
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New Family Social
New Family Social is the only LGBT+ adoption and fostering charity in the UK. They support LGBT+ adoptive and fostering families by offering resources and advice.
As a member agency of New Family Social our adopters are not only supported by our team but can also access the resources and expertise of New Family Social
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UK Government
UK Government have a section of their website dedicated to adoption. It covers topics such as domestic and overseas adoption, step parent adoption and information about the legalities and assessment process.
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Welsh Government
Welsh Government have a section of their website dedicated to parenting advice: Parenting. Give it time. The site provides resources, media and case-studies to support parents to ‘encourage positive behaviour, boost your child’s confidence and support their development’.
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SNAP Cymru
SNAP Cymru provides information, advice, training, and support for parents, children and young people who have, or may have, special educational needs or disabilities: SNAP Cymru
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FASD Awareness
FASD Awareness is a charitable organisation with a clear vision: “Where all people are aware of the dangers of alcohol use during pregnancy and mothers are supported to stay healthy and strong during pregnancy, and individuals living with Foetal Alcohol Spectrum Disorders (FASD) are identified, recognised, valued and supported”: FASD Awareness
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FASD UK Alliance
FASD UK Alliance is a coalition of groups and individuals from across the UK who are united together for positive social change for those with Foetal Alcohol Spectrum Disorders (FASD):
FASD UK Alliance
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Care for the Family
Care for the Family is a UK wide, Christian faith-based charity who provide family and parenting advice and support to families of all faiths or none:
Care for the Family
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Foster Wales
Foster Wales is the Welsh Government umbrella for all local authority fostering services across Wales: Foster Wales
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Best Beginnings
Best Beginnings is a UK charity that works to support all parents and caregivers until a child's first birthday. The charity embraces co-creation, evidence, digital and film to inform and empower parents and caregivers of all backgrounds to look after their mental and physical health and to maximise their children's long-term physical, mental and emotional development.
Best Beginnings is best known for its multi-award-winning Baby Buddy app which is endorsed by the NHS and many Royal Colleges. Baby Buddy provides evidence-based written and film content and self-care tools to help parents build their knowledge and confidence. Baby Buddy is free to use and ad-free. Information is delivered as accessible and personalised bite-sized daily updates: Baby Buddy
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Information for adults who are blind or partially sighted
Information for adults who have a faith / religion / heritage / cultural observances
Christianity
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Home for Good
Home for Good is a UK, faith sensitive charity that campaigns to build awareness of adoption and fostering within the Christian community. Home for Good work within the broad sphere of adoption and fostering and within the Christian community to highlight UK fostering and adoption from a Christian perspective. They also take part in the National Adoption Steering Group (England).
Home for Good coordinates a network of area workers, adopters, foster carers and professionals to provide a network to support for parents, families, foster carers, professionals and those exploring adoption and fostering. They work with local churches and organisations to raise awareness of adoption and fostering within the wider Christian community. Home for Good is encourage churches and organisations to host ‘Adoption Sundays’ to raise awareness and they also host a centrally located, conference once a year for adopters, foster cares
Krish Kandiah, Chair of the Adoption and Special Guardianship Leadership Board (England) and the previous founder and CEO of Home for Good is the also the author of ‘Home for Good’ a book which talks about adoption from his own personal experience.
Islam
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My Adoption Family / My Foster Family
My Adoption Family / My Foster Family is an independent, faith sensitive organisation who work within the broad sphere of adoption and fostering and within the Muslim community to highlight UK fostering and adoption from an Islamic perspective.
Shadim Hussain headed up the Muslim Fostering Project on behalf of Mercy Mission in 2017. The success of this project led Shadim to become the CEO of My Adoption Family / My Foster Family. Shadim is also part of the National Adoption Steering Group (England) and an advisor at the Bradford Foundation Trust.
The organisation provides support and cultural competency for all adopters, foster carers and professionals who are involved in the care of Muslim children and children of Muslim heritage in the UK. They provide training, resources, workshops, webinars and recruitment in both sectors and they have developed an advisory group of Shaikh’s, professionals, foster carers and adopters who form a network to provide tailored support and advice.
They also extend opportunities for the wider Muslim community to engage with fostering and adoption including initiatives such as: ‘Foster Friday’ (in partnership with around two hundred Mosques) and ‘Ramadan Boxes’ which are provided for Muslim and Muslim heritage children living in care across the UK.
Shadim Hussain was involved in a broadcast with Sheikh Dr Sajid Umar and an adopter, Sagheer to discuss UK fostering and adoption from an Islamic perspective: Fostering - A Forgotten Sunnah
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Penny Appeal
Penny Appeal is a UK Islamic Charity that work in 30 countries worldwide to provide aid. A branch of Penny Appeal works to raise awareness of fostering and adoption in the Muslim community.
Penny Appeal have created a guide for prospective Muslim adopters and foster carers which looks at a number of different topics associated with adoption and fostering from an Islamic perspective: Penny Appeal Guide to Adoption and Fostering – Shaykh Zuber Karim
Penny Appeal have also teamed up with Coventry University and Coram BAAF to produce some research around the topics of adoption and fostering from an Islamic perspective: Coventry University Research Report: Among the last ones to leave? Understanding the journeys of Muslim children in the care system in England – Penny Appeal, Coram BAAF and Coventry University
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Please can I have a mummy and daddy - Available on YouTube (originally produced by Islam Channel)
A six-part series created by Islam Channel, ‘Please can I have a mummy and daddy?’ aims to promote adoption within the Muslim community. The series highlights teaching about adoption being permissible in Islam. The series explores Islamic requirements surrounding adoption including teaching about changing names, inheritance and raḍāʿ / mahram.
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Fostering and Adoption - Sheikh Omar Suleiman, Yaqeen Institute
Imam Omar Suleiman, Founder and President of the Yaqeen Institute for Islamic Research and an Adjunct Professor of Islamic Studies in the Graduate Liberal Studies Program at SMU (Southern Methodist University) discusses fostering and adoption from an Islamic perspective including the virtues, naming, inheritance and raḍāʿ / mahram.
Yaqeen Institute YouTube: Virtues of Adoption and Fostering with Sh Omar Suleiman
Yaqeen Institute YouTube: Fiqh of Adoption and Fostering with Sheikh Omar Suleiman
Yaqeen Institute: www.yaqeeninstitute.org/watch
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Adoption and Muslims in England Community Toolkit –The National Adoption Recruitment Steering Group (NARSG)
The National Adoption Recruitment Steering Group (NARSG) created this toolkit (aimed towards the general Muslim community and wider population) to give Islamic perspectives on adoption and practical guidance on adoption from a faith-based perspective: Adoption and Muslims in England Community Toolkit.
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Apps for Adults
Books for Children and Young People
We would encourage adults to read these stories before sharing them with their children due to the sensitive nature of the topics discussed. The content may not be suitable for every child / young person and therefore each book should be considered based on the individual child / young person’s emotional capacity, life-experiences, and understanding / ability to cope with the sensitive topics. Careful planning is often required for adoptive children.
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Gus becomes a big brother – Heather S. Lonczak, PhD
This story follows Gus’ story of becoming a brother through adoption. The story starts with Gus starting to understand what being a brother will look like. Gus has lots of feelings and questions about becoming a brother and his parents and the social worker support him throughout the book to learn and grow. Towards the end of the book Gus’ new brother Pacco comes to live with them and Gus has lots of new feelings and questions which the family work through with him as the family begin to bond.
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Meesha Makes Friends - Tom Percival
Meesha Makes Friends is a warm, affectionate and beautifully illustrated book which follows the story of Meesha, a creative child who is finding it difficult to make friends. The book is perfect for helping children to navigate social situations and build positive attachments / relationships with others.
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Daddy, Papa and Me / Mommy, Mama and Me - Lesléa Newman
Both of these beautifully illustrated, rhyming board book follows a toddler spending the day with their parents. These books highlight the normalities of family life in a fun and engaging way for young children.
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Two Dads / Two Mums - Carolyn Robertson
Both of these books follow the first-hand thoughts of a child with LGBT+ parents. The books explore everyday life for a child and highlights the normalities of family life in a fun and engaging way for children.
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The Teazlers’ Baby Bunny – Susan Bagnall
‘The Teazlers’ Baby Bunny’ tells the story of the preparation and the time leading up to the arrival of a baby bunny to the Teazler’ family. The aim of the book is to familiarise children with the idea of adoption. The book comes with a handy guide for parents which explains how to use the book to create discussion around adoption. The book is aimed at children aged two years+.
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The Most Precious Present in the World – Becky Edwards
In ‘The Most Precious Present in the World’ Mia, an adopted child, is feeling confused and sad because she doesn’t look like her mum and dad. Throughout the book Mia’s mum explains to her that her birth mum and dad gave her gifts that make her look like them but that her birth parents gave her mum and dad the most precious gift in the world, which is her. This book is great to read with children to start discussions around identity. It can also help children feel reassured that they can speak about their life story and that they are loved and safe in their new family.
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A Safe Place for Rufus – Jill Seeney
Rufus the cat moves in with a new family and has to learn how to overcome his fears and learn his new home is safe and permanent and the new family love him. This book helps children feel reassured that it’s okay to find change hard and it helps them to discover that just like Rufus they can find ways to get rid of their fears and feel safe. The book comes with a handy guide for parents which explains how to use the book to create discussion around adoption and feeling safe. The book is aimed at children aged three years+.
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Nutmeg Gets Adopted – Judith Foxon
Nutmeg Gets Adopted is the story of Nutmeg, a young squirrel and his family. Nutmeg’s birth family are unable to look after him and his siblings so Beth Badger has to find them a new family; first a foster family and then a forever family. The book is a great resource to start to talk to children about their life-story. The book gives the child an opportunity to ask why they had to leave home and any questions they have about why this happened and help them talk about their feelings about being adopted. The book comes with a guide which explains how to use the book to create discussion. This book is ideal for children who are waiting for an adoptive family, or who have recently been placed. The book is part of series of books that help adopted children to understand different topics that may affect them.
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Chester and Daisy Move On - Angela Lidster
Chester and Daisy live with their birth bear family but when things start to go wrong they have to move to a new family. The story explains to children that sometimes birth parents can’t look after their little bears and that’s why they are placed with a new family. The book is helpful to explain to children the path they are taking / took to living with their new family. The book explains thoughts and feelings and looks at letterbox contact.
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And Tango Makes Three – Justin Richardson and Peter Parnell
‘And Tango Makes Three’ explores same sex parents and adoption. Roy and Silo, two male penguins see all the other heterosexual penguins having babies and want to start a family of their own. The keeper brings them an egg so that they can have their own baby.
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The Family Fairies - Rosemary Lucas
The Family Fairies is a rhyming children’s book written by one of our adopters, Rosemary Lucas. The book is based on Rosemary’s own adoption journey and tells the story of a mummy and a daddy who want to have a family and ask for the help of two ‘Family Fairies’ aka two social workers.
Rosemary’s debut book is just one of the stories that she has created for her own adopted children to explain how their family was formed. The book explains the adoption process in a fun and accessible way with colourful illustrations and really makes the story of adopting come to life.
Rosemary hopes this book will be the start of a series of books which will help children and adults alike understand adoption in a clearer and more vivid way and spark wider interest in adopting as a pathway to starting or extending a family.
The Family Fairies is self-published and available online.
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The Blanket Bears – Samuel Langley-Swain
The Blanket Bears follows the story of two little bears who need a forever family. The story tracks their journey from leaving their original home with the social worker, to living in foster care, to finally meeting and moving in with their forever family. The story explores the relationships the bears have with all these people and explores emotions towards change. It is a lovely book, often used to prepare children before they meet their adoptive family. It is also a great way to talk about life-story with children and allow them to ask questions about their life-story including time with foster parents.
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The day of your arrival – Dolores Brown and Reza Dalvand
The day of your arrival is a beautifully illustrated book that explains to children the journey and preparation that their adoptive parents went on before meeting them. It reminds families that initially they experienced different journeys before becoming a forever family and reassures the child that they are secure and loved.
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The Kites Tale – Molly Ashton
In her new children’s book, The Kites Tale, author Molly Ashton explores adoption from a birth child’s perspective. The story follows the story of two children, Archie who longs for a sister, and Posy who needs a forever home. The story explains to children the roles of social workers, foster carers and adoption panels and some of the harder issues of adoption such as challenging behaviour and contact with birth family. The story shows the honest realities of adoption in all its complexities especially for children already living in the family home.
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The NEW Small Person – Lauren Child
The NEW Small Person is a light-hearted and humorous story about Elmore Green who is not to pleased when a new, small person, Albert comes to live in the family home. Elmore is used to being an only child and life as a big brother brings it challenges for him. This is a great story for anyone considering adopting who already has a child living with them to help prepare the child or for anyone managing sibling rivalries.
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The Family Puzzle - Rosemary Lucas
In this rhyming story, Ben and Belle explore how some families come together with the help of the family fairies (social workers); characters found in Rosemary’s debut book, The Family Fairies.The book includes inclusive illustrations of family life and the assessment, adoption support and legal process’ of adoption.
The Family Puzzle is self-published and available online.
Rosemary has a digital presence on Facebook, Instagram and her website: Rosemary Lucas
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Speechless – Kate Darbishire
Speechless is the first-person story of eleven-year-old, Harriet; a young person living with Cerebral Palsy. Harriet tells the reader her experience of living with Cerebral Palsy including navigating school and relationships. The book helps the reader to build knowledge, empathy and understanding of the challenges faced by people living with Cerebral Palsy.
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Adopting a little brother or sister – Holly Marlow
This book is written from the first-hand perspective of a little girl whose family are adopting. She speaks about her experience of her family being assessed, meeting the social workers, and finally meeting her new brother.
This is a lovely, short children’s book designed to prepare children for the adoption process and becoming a sibling through adoption.
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Cousins by adoption – Holly Marlow
This book is written from the first-hand perspective of a little girl whose uncle is adopting. She speaks about her uncle going through the adoption process, how they prepare together for her new cousins’ arrival, and finally meeting her new cousin.
This is a lovely, short children’s book designed to prepare children for the adoption process and becoming a cousin through adoption.
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Apps for Children and Young People
Films and Series for Children and Young People
We would encourage adults to watch these films and series before sharing them with their children due to the sensitive nature of the topics discussed. The content may not be suitable for every child / young person and therefore each book should be considered based on the individual child / young person’s emotional capacity, life-experiences, and understanding / ability to cope with the sensitive topics. Careful planning is often required for adoptive children.
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Goodnight Mr Tom - Carlton Television
Based on the 1981 award winning book by Michelle Magorian and set during the Second World War, ‘Goodnight Mr Tom’ is the story of Willie Beech and Tom Oakley’s adjustment to living together. Willie is evacuated from London during the Blitz. The story highlights the adjustment for adults and children to leaving together and the bonds that can be formed. During the film Willie remembers his time with his mother and the film explores his childhood experiences including separation and neglect along with Tom’s experience of having a new child in his life.
The film can be used to open up discussion around adoption, birth families, trauma, neglect, separation, identity, early life experiences and for conversation about family life together.
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Inside Out - Pixar
When Riley is uprooted from her Midwest life and moves to San Francisco because of her dads new job Riley’s emotions; Joy, Fear, Anger, Disgust and Sadness are thrown into confusion. Riley’s emotions live in ‘Headquarters’ (inside Riley's mind). Although Joy, Riley's primary emotion, tries to keep things positive, the other emotions conflict on how best to navigate her new environment. The film also explores that the adults around her also have emotions that drive their behaviours and actions. This is a great film for creating discussion around emotions and change.
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Matilda - TriStar Pictures / Jersey Films
Mathilda is the story of a girl who suffers emotional and physical neglect and verbal abuse from her birth family. Mathilda meets characters through the story who shape her understanding of the world around her. The story also talks about Miss Honey, Mathilda’s teacher’s relationship with her aunt after the loss of her father. This film can open up discussions around some of the reasons children are placed for adoption, their negative early life experiences and how your past doesn’t have to define your future.
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The Story of Tracy Breaker – BBC iPlayer
The full series of ‘The Story of Tracy Beaker’ is now available to stream on BBC iPlayer. The series explore the life of a group of children waiting for forever families and foster families. The follow up series ‘Tracy Beaker Returns’ is also available. In this series Tracy becoming an assistant care worker at the home that she grew up in.
The majority of children now enter foster care instead of residential homes however, the program explores the realities of children’s experiences coming to an understanding of their early life experiences and navigating life in care. The series often explains the complex emotions and resulting behaviours felt by children in care and their desire for connection and family.
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Dustbin Baby – BBC iPlayer
Dustbin Baby written by children’s author Jacqueline Wilson follows the story of April, a fourteen-year-old girl who was abandoned by her mother at birth. The story centres around April’s fourteenth birthday. After an argument with her foster mother, Marion April makes a spur of the moment decision to explore her life-story by revisiting the places and people who have been significant in her life. She starts by visiting her foster carer, which leads her to remembering her adoptive placement (which had a tragic ending) and her subsequent years living in care; including living with multiple foster carers and in residential homes / schools. The final place April explores is the place of her birth, a back alley behind a Pizzeria and this leads her to meet the man who discovered her in the Dustbin fourteen years previously. A dual narrative unfolds throughout the storyline as Marion also explores her own experiences and feelings as a foster parent throughout the day while she tries to find April.
The story is highly poignant for children and adults alike as it unpacks experiences of care, exploring life-story and the challenges and joys of relationships along the way.
We would encourage adults to read / watch the story before considering sharing with their children due to the sensitive nature of the topics discussed. The content may not be suitable for every child and careful planning may be required. The book is aimed at readers 10+ but, like many other Jacqueline Wilson books the age should always be dependent on a child’s emotional capacity and understanding of the sensitive topics involved.
Dustbin Baby is available as a book and the BBC made a film adaptation of the book in 2008 which can be found on BBC iPlayer.
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Books for Children and Young People: Growing Up
It’s important that children to have bodily awareness, autonomy, and integrity as they grow and develop as this forms a significant part of their identity and helps to keep them safe.
We appreciate parents will have varying levels of exposure, knowledge, understanding and personal experience of these topics which is why we have added this section to make sure everyone feels ready and prepared for topics that shouldn’t feel taboo.
We would encourage adults to explore the content of the suggested resources before sharing them with their children due to the sensitive nature of the topics discussed. The content may not be suitable for every child / young person and therefore each book should be considered based on the individual child / young person’s emotional capacity, life-experiences, and understanding / ability to cope with the sensitive topics. Careful planning is often required for adoptive children.
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The Autism Friendly Guide to Periods – Robyn Steward
Menstruation (periods) is a defining moment in a female or menstruating person’s life.
Menstruation signifies a transition from childhood / teen years into puberty and it’s important that children are aware of these changes and how to navigate them. Menstruation can start from any age but generally it happens between the ages of 8-16 years old
Understanding menstruation and possessing body bodily awareness, autonomy and integrity from childhood will prepare a child for when the time comes for themselves to experience this development or to understand the experience of another person.
The book offers a clear, detailed, visual guide to anatomy, bodily development, and menstruation. The book is written primarily in easy read version / social stories to support a person’s understanding what menstruation looks and feels like and what will happen including how to use a variety of sanitary products.
Author, Robyn Steward is herself an autistic person and Honorary Research Associate at UCL. She was inspired to write the book to create the book to remove stigma, taboo and make discussions about menstruation part of ‘growing up’. The book was peer reviewed by medical professionals prior to publication and received accolade from the medical community.
Further information:
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Amazing You: Getting smart about your private parts – Dr. Gail Saltz
Children are naturally curious and being curious about our bodies is important especially as we’re constantly growing and developing.
However, for parents and carers (especially those who may have received less education about this topic in their own childhoods) navigating their child’s curiosity can feel daunting. Ultimately, it’s important that as a parent you feel equipped to answer these questions truthfully, in a shame free and developmentally sensitive manner.
This book is aimed at children who are becoming sexually aware but aren’t ready to learn about sexual intercourse and gives parents a comfortable platform for further discussion.
The book names and explains male and female reproductive organs through child sensitive illustration and text. It also provides a basic template for understanding the process of a male and female conceiving and birthing a baby.
Dr. Gail Saltz is an associate professor of Psychiatry at New York Presbyterian Hospital and a practising Psychiatrist. She has added an author’s note at the back of the book which explains your child’s curiosity, how to use the resource and encouragement on how to engage and explore this topic with them.
Further information:
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Making a Baby – Rachel Greener and Clare Owen
In this illustrated, inclusive guide can be used to support children learn about their bodies, how babies are created, how babies develop, how birth happens and family diversity. The book includes conversation surrounding sex, fertility treatment, surrogacy, and adoption. There is also a glossary at the end which gives further explanation of terms used in the book.
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What is a period – Nikki Tajiri
This illustrated, rhyming book can be used as an introduction to the topic of menstruation (periods). In the book June mum explains what periods are and the process and the purpose of them. The book also encourages children to explore how cultures celebrate and inspires them to think about how they would like to celebrate this milestone for themselves.
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The Girls Guide to Growing Up – Anita Naik
This guide has been created to support children prepare for and understand female puberty. The book supports children to explores female experiences of puberty including hormones, breasts and bras, growth, hygiene, body hair, sex organs, menstruation (periods), sex, how babies are created, wellbeing, self-esteem, body image and privacy and consent. The book also briefly explores some male experiences of puberty.
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